by Amanda Hawthorn
Spoilers: Set loosely in season 4.
Feedback: Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!!
Archive: Grissom and Sara [dot] com and my site 'Something to talk about'
Disclaimer: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.
Summary: A tiny bundle discovered on Christmas Eve morning, turns Sara's life upside down.
Grissom stepped out into the cooling morning air, catching sprays of the rain that bathed his burning skin.
"Dammit," he muttered, tilting his head to try and find the direction which Sara had taken. He needed to speak to her now, more than ever. He just hoped she would listen.
"What?" Brass asked worriedly, coming out to stand beside him.
"She? Who?" he asked, confusion quickly melting to one of clarity, "Sara?"
"Yes," Grissom sighed, "I don't know where she lives and I should know." Taking a breath, he looked up into the graying sky. "God Jim, how did I let things get this far?"
Brass regarded his friend sadly, and reached over to pat Grissom's arm reassuringly. "Look Gil, I can't help you on this one," he sighed. "You two need to get a few things straight between you, and for you to do that my friend, you will have to talk to her."
"Yeah," Grissom sighed, closing his eyes briefly before turning towards his friend. "I'm going to find her."
"I have to Jim," Grissom nodded, his silent acknowledgement filtering through his voice. "I can't let things go on the way they have been."
"Hang on, I'll bring the car around and we'll find her," Brass started, motioning with a swing of his hand in the general direction of the car park.
Grissom nodded silently as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sara's number before placing the phone to his ear. After three rings he heard her muffled voice at the other end of the phone.
"Hi it's Grissom. Where are you?"
"I said I was fine Grissom!"
"That's not what I asked." Grissom almost smiled despite her coolness, hoping she couldn't hear the desperation in his voice.
"Why do you want to know where I am? I told you I was going home."
Hearing a clink of glasses in the background, he sighed heavily before continuing. "Sara... please?"
He heard her take a deep breath on the other end of the line before letting it out into a slow sigh. "I stopped off in the diner across the road from the hospital."
"I'm on my way," he told her firmly, pulling the phone away from his ear before she could voice her annoyance. Looking up, his eyes searched the dwellings on the opposite side of the road, pin pointing the diner that Sara had mentioned.
Making his way across the car park, he waved Brass to stop his car in front of him. Pulling open the door, he glanced inside at his friends worried face. "She's in the diner."
"I'll come with you, I could use a coffee," Brass grinned, shaking his head when he saw the look of horror on Grissom's face. "I'll sit on a different table, don't worry."
"You're not funny Jim," Grissom groaned.
Sara looked down into her coffee, mesmerized by the swirling patterns the spoon had formed in the dark liquid. Her whole life had seemed to fall apart before her eyes, and she was powerless to stop it. She'd always taken it for granted that one day she would have kids and live the life of happy ever after that most girls always dreamed of. She had been no different, that is until she became immersed in her work and the thoughts of a family filtered away.
Closing her eyes against the burning emotions that enveloped her, she let the silence surround her body, relishing the solace until the seat opposite her creaked slightly as someone sat down. Opening her eyes slowly, she found herself caught in a pair of deep blue eyes that had always captivated her soul. Eyes that had at times, given her so much hope only to strip it away just as quickly.
"Hey," Grissom said softly as he tried to gage her mood by her body language.
"Hey," she whispered, dropping her eyes back down towards the swirling mist that offered her the only escape route that she so desperately fought for right now.
"Sara," he started, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke. "I just wanted you to know how much I..."
Sara lifted her eyes to his, waiting for some kind of revelation, some kind of admission. It would never happen, she knew that all too well. "I'll get over it," she told him, her voice interwoven with all the emotions that coursed through her heart. "It was nice to be... needed, I guess."
"You're needed Sara," he told her quietly, remembering his words of so long ago when he almost lost her. "That baby couldn't have asked for a better person to take care of him."
"Poor kid got me," she huffed, lifting her other hand to link her fingers around the coffee cup. "I wouldn't even pick me. Guess his mother left him there thinking some maternal woman would find him, what a bummer huh?"
"Sara stop doing this to yourself."
"Doing what?" she asked, meeting his gaze with eyes sparkling with tears. "You were right okay? You're always right. I got attached. I let my emotions rule my heart. You were right and I was wrong. Happy now?"
"No Sara, I'm not," he told her, his soft admission surprising both of them.
"Sorry," she muttered sadly, averting her eyes away from his again.
"Sorry for what?" he asked, his hand reaching out to brush against her fingers as he spoke. "Sara?"
His touch sent a jolt of electricity through her body, surging through her heart as if she had been administered a high voltage charge. She found her gaze locked on their hands, their fingers so close they could almost be touching. "For everything I've ever done to make you so mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you," he told her, his voice barely a whisper as he edged a little closer to touch her hand again. "Sara, look at me."
Shaking her head slowly, she closed her eyes. "Can't you just accept my apology and have done with it?"
"Only if you can accept mine," he told her hoarsely as her eyes slowly lifted to meet his.
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