Entitled

Rating: NC-17 for adult content.
Pairing: Grissom/Sara
Keywords: Angst, G/S, Language, Sexual content.
Spoilers: Post-ep for TAIE.
Archive: Authorized sites are listed on the legal disclaimer for my site, Chasing Rabbits. Anywhere else, please ask.
Disclaimer: Not mine; don't sue.

Author's Note: Thanks to Ann for the usual magnificent job beta-ing.

Summary: He was starting to believe that he couldn't even make her happy.

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He shut the door behind him and shuffled through his apartment, setting his briefcase on the counter. He had overheard Catherine saying some thing about 'drinks on me,' and although he was sure he was invited, he was also sure that it was only obligatory. No one seriously expected him to come along. Perhaps no one really wanted him there. Cath had made it pretty clear that she felt he had copped out of the difficult work in the case. And he had, in a way. Even though he was the one who made the final break in the case, his team had done the majority of the legwork. His preoccupation with the waffle shaped bloodstain could have just as easily led to nothing.

His team had done well. He had gotten lucky.

There was a knock on his door, and he debated just ignoring it. He couldn't think of anyone who would bother to swing by his place at this hour. When the sound came again... and again... he finally got off his sofa and answered it. He didn't check the peephole, and he regretted it the instant he swung open the door.

She still looked nice.

But Mr. EMT Hank Peddigrew was probably in the car, tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel, and waiting impatiently for her to get done... doing whatever she had come here to do.

"Are you okay?"

"Hello to you too, Ms. Sidle."

He expected her to kind of look away, sheepishly, or give him an embarrassed smile. She did neither, maintaining eye contact with a simple concerned expression on her face. He was the one becoming uncomfortable, here in his own home. Realizing that she wasn't just stopping by... that she expected him to invite her in... he relented and stepped back, letting her through the doorway. Even though she had been in his home several times before, he saw her eyes darting around, as if taking in the place for the first time.

"Is there a reason you're here?" His voice sounded testy, but he really didn't care. He couldn't understand why she was paying him this visit. When he told her that she deserved a life, he had meant it.

She deserved to have a life beyond CSI.

She deserved to be happy.

While he had hoped that she would choose a life with him, he was starting to believe that he didn't deserve her. That he couldn't make her happy.

That angered him, even though he really didn't know why.

"Are you okay?" She sounded concerned, in sharp contrast to his irritated tone. "Today... in court... I was just worried about you."

Court. Exasperation turned to fear as he recalled Philip's dirty trick. He thought he had managed to cover it well, but what if he hadn't?

Sara had too much power over him already. And he couldn't bear the thought of looking in those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and seeing pity.

As he began to formulate a response - one that would conceal the truth but still sound plausible - he was startled by her sudden proximity. He glanced down to see her hands on his tie, toying with the silk.

"Is something wrong with your hearing?"

He blinked. How could she have guessed? Maybe because she's a CSI... quite possibly your best CSI... trained to be observant and piece together the clues... that's how... The thought of lying crossed his mind. After all, if he had the surgery, and it was successful, she might never learn the truth. If he decided not to have the surgery, he would have to leave the department. He might never see her again. He covered her hands with his, lifting his head to look in her eyes. Once he did, though, he was lost.

"Yes," he whispered softly. The confession slipped from his mouth much more easily then he expected. He anticipated surprise, horror, or sympathy to flash across her face. Instead, she just nodded. He heard her deep inhale. Her hands abandoned his tie to land flat on his chest. When she leaned into him, nudging his nose with hers, he tensed. She didn't seem to notice, tilting her head so that their lips met.

This was not the reaction he thought he would receive.

He had dreamed about their first kiss hundreds of times. In his mind, he was always the initiator, although he doubted that he'd ever be able to work up the nerve. He would draw her into his arms and hold her close. The kiss would be long and deep, and then he'd take her to his bedroom and spend hours pleasing her.

Instead, she kept her touch light, and he didn't move at all. The desire to wrap his arms around her and crush her body to his was overwhelming. But he couldn't get the image of Hank out of his mind. And he couldn't help but think that she was only feeling sorry for him.

Her eyes opened, only a centimeter or two away from his.

"Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong." Her breath caressed his face. "Hank... means nothing to me. It's always been you."

"Sara..."

"You... you can't tell me you don't feel something. I saw your eyes. I saw them when Philip mentioned Hank."

He wasn't aware that he had been so transparent. If Sara had picked up on it, he wondered what conclusions his former mentor had made.

"I don't need your..."

"My what? Pity?" Her eyes fogged over with something he couldn't identify before clearing. "Is that what you think this is?" He almost jumped when she took his right hand. She spread her legs a bit and put his hand under her skirt. Pushing aside her underwear, she pressed his fingers in between her lips.

She was wet. Obscenely wet.

"Does that feel like pity, Grissom?" Her voice was raspy now. "Just from a kiss. Just... oh..."

Granted permission to touch her, he could hardly resist. His digits soon were slick with her fluids. Rubbing the opening to her core, he flicked his thumb over her clit. Her hands flew to his shoulders, gripping tightly. Already, her body had begun to tremble. He watched her eyes close and her head tilt back.

"I'm doing this to you," he murmured.

"Yes," she panted. "But... if you're gonna keep doing that... can we go somewhere less... vertical?"

His whole world seemed to screech to a halt. Was she...? Did she...? Sara stepped back, pushing her jacket off her shoulders. Her shirt was sleeveless and the newly exposed bare skin enchanted him. Soon there was even more of it for him to view, as she unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor. By the time they reached his bedroom, they were both naked, except for his tie. After undoing it, he had draped it over his shoulder. As she knelt on his mattress, she gave him a questioning glance. He responded by gently pushing her onto her back and brining her hands together, holding them next to a rung in his headboard. She silently nodded, holding still as he bound her wrists. A loose strand of hair had fallen over her face, and he brushed it aside, tucking it behind her ear.

Even as she had acquiesced to this position, he saw mild confusion in her eyes. Perhaps she was wondering why he wanted her restrained for their first time making love. He wasn't really sure himself. He just knew that he had an irrational fear that she would leave. He wanted to make sure she didn't. It was selfish... it was irrational... but he did it anyway.

She lifted her head as if to kiss him, but he pressed his lips to her shoulder instead, trailing down her body, bypassing her breasts and erect nipples altogether. Parting her legs, he kissed the skin just below her belly button before dipping his tongue in between her labia. Her body tensed, her muscles growing so taut that he was worried for a moment that she wasn't enjoying this. He had wondered if his touch would be able to give her pleasure. Any doubts were erased, however, as he heard his name - his first name - in her low, breathless voice. Other sounds came, and he got the impression she was trying to form words, but that part of her brain was incapacitated for the time being.

He slid one finger into her slowly, relishing the way her body thrashed around on his bed. Her hips bucked into his face, so he placed his free hand on her stomach to hold her down as he worked another finger into her warmth.

She was watching him now.

She had lifted her head up off his pillow and was gazing at him intently. Her body was elevated as much as her bound hands allowed. He couldn't fight the jealousy that surged in him. Had Hank ever touched her like this? Had he tasted her? Had he pleased her? Will I be able to? S troking her inner wall gently, Grissom watched as her lips quavered. Her eyes closed again. Her head fell back. She sounded almost like she was crying. He licked her clitoris, swirling his tongue around the erect little bit of tissue. She tasted tangy and sweet at the same time.

"Oh... God... I don't usually... enjoy this..."

Her words spurred him on. He wanted her orgasm as much for himself as for her. He wanted to hear her call out his name. Hear her begging for more. Hear her confirming what he had hoped for longer than he could remember - that her heart belonged to him. His fingers flexed inside of her, and he could feel the tension building up. With a final brush of his tongue over her sensitive bundle of nerves, he heard her strangled grunt as her juices flowed onto him.

Her chest was heaving as he crawled over her. When he leaned down to kiss her, her lips latched on to his chin, sucking her own fluids off his skin. It was so erotic that he couldn't prevent the groan from escaping his lips.

"I want to touch you," she whispered. Her request couldn't be denied. His hands flew to the tie that was restraining her, but he found that she had already undone the knot. She offered him a sly grin.

"It wasn't that hard," she teased. Her smile slipped away when she saw the serious look on his face. She could have left at any time... When she pushed on his shoulders, trying to get him to roll over, he stopped her.

"It's my turn to taste you." The thought of her lips wrapped around his erection was too much... he was almost ready to explode.

"I want to make love to you, Sara."

"We can't. I'm not on birth control, honey."

It was time for him to give her a wicked smirk as he reached over and pulled a box out of his nightstand. "You know what the boy scouts say... be prepared."

She took the small square packet from him and ripped it open, reaching in between their heated bodies to cover his arousal. "You were a boy scout?"

"No, actually..." He found himself smiling when she chuckled. She guided him towards her opening and for a second, he felt sheer panic. As intimate as performing oral sex on her had been, this was the point of no return. Once he made love to her, he knew he could never push her away again. The thought of letting her into his life... completely... still churned his stomach. So many people had hurt him before. He didn't have any guarantee that this would be different. She felt his hesitation and looked into his eyes for an explanation. Instead of giving her words, he brought his body closer to hers, nudging he entrance of her warm tunnel. He was disappointed when her lids slid down over her dark orbs, but found himself doing the same thing as he inched into her.

"Grisssssssssssom..."

"You okay?" he croaked, his eyes opening in concern.

"Yes... oh... I forgot how good this feels..."

He grunted something in response, pushing forward until their pelvises met.

"Give me a second," she whispered.

"Are you okay?"

She was biting her lip so hard that he thought she might draw blood. "Been a while. That's all."

Grissom caressed her face, stroking her soft hair. Her cheeks were flushed and a thin layer of sweat was already beginning to form. It had been a while for him too. He couldn't clearly remember the last time he had brought a woman to orgasm... felt her warm flesh underneath him... experienced the delicious sensation of a woman's intimate center wrapped around his organ.

When she flexed her hips, he took that as his cue to start making love to her. All intentions of moving slowly and savoring this moment went out the window. His first thrust was forceful and quick... and they only sped up after that. Sara made some deep, guttural noise that seemed to send all his blood rushing to his groin. He felt light headed and he contemplated how awful it would look if he fainted during their first time together.

She was touching him. Her hands slid over every bit of skin she could find, leaving the flesh ten degrees hotter than before. He couldn't recall a time when sex had ever been this... incredible. When she bit down on his ear, he called out her name, still in awe of what she was doing to him.

"God, I love you."

Her words rattled around in his mind for a while before he fully processed them.

Sara Sidle... just told me she loves me.

Whatever control he had left was gone. He pounded into her, his erection swelling with each sigh that left her mouth. He was only vaguely aware of her teeth sinking into his shoulder as she found release, convulsing underneath him. The sensation of her muscles rippling around him was too much, and he fell on top of her as his own climax drained the life from his organ.

As their breathing returned to normal, he lifted off her and tossed the condom into his wastebasket. She hummed softly when he rested his head on her chest, holding her body to his.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her too, but the words wouldn't come.

"How bad is it? Your hearing?"

His eyes closed involuntarily. "What do you want to know?"

Her chest rose and fell as she sighed. "What do I want? I want... I want everything. But... I'll take whatever you'll give me."

Her terms didn't seem fair to him. He was fairly certain that she had just given him everything she had... her body... her heart... her soul. And here she was, letting him hide in his shell until he was ready to come out.

He didn't know if he'd ever be ready.

But after this...

He put his chin on her breastbone and met her gaze. Her eyes stared back at him, warm and receptive. "Sara... I think after this... you're entitled to everything."

Her mouth opened, but he silenced her with a finger over her lips.

"My mother... is deaf," he began.

~Fin.