by Battus philenor
Archive: Please ask first I might say yes.
Disclaimer: I have no claim to anything CSI related. I get nothing from this but happiness in doing things that those who do own CSI would never do.
Author's Note: This is my post Butterflied dream, so if you didn't see it and want to remain unspoiled... blah, blah, blah.
Summary: My post Butterflied dream.
Copywrite © by Battus philenor 3/2004
While Jim Brass was not normally the kind of person to get mixed up in his co-worker's business; he did feel somewhat compelled to try and help out his two socially challenged friends.
It had been weeks since Jim had heard his friend's impromptu profession of love during an interrogation. While he wasn't shocked at the knowledge; they all seemed to think it would happen eventually, the way in which it came out was a little strange.
Of course, Brass had never considered Gil Grissom 'normal.' He always thought that he at least knew when to hold his tongue regarding personal issues though. Hell, as far as most of the world could see, Gil Grissom didn't have a personal life in which to have any issues.
He wouldn't try to pretend that he and Gil were tight, but he liked to think he knew him better than most people. He had been privy to the details regarding his fleeting attraction to that traveling anthropologist as well as the fling with Sin City's favorite dominatrix.
Even after sharing those not so exemplary revelations with Brass, Grissom never once verbally admitted his feelings for Sara, until that day in the box. If questioned, Brass would probably venture that meant that to Gil, this one was special, that Sara was someone who had the ability to hurt him.
Brass and Grissom hadn't spoken of that day or of Grissom's admission. Brass was beginning to think he would have to do something though. He could see how this was affecting Grissom, not to mention what it was doing to Sara.
Brass had been a cop for way too many years not to be able to tell how Miss Sidle felt about his friend. She was too young and inexperienced for him not to see what should have been obvious to everybody. He had known from the first time he had seen them together that Sara was in love with Grissom.
He had stood by and hoped that his friend would see it; had hoped that his friend would give in to this beautiful younger woman who so obviously adored him. He had actually started to believe that maybe Grissom really felt nothing for her.
How could anybody have a woman like that after him, and not go for it? He knew he wouldn't have hesitated, but then again, he wasn't Gil Grissom. Gil Grissom was the most ethical and moral man he'd ever known, but Brass had watched this soap opera long enough.
He was sick of seeing these two brilliant minded scientists who were totally oblivious to each others feelings, bumble along through life alone. While he enjoyed people believing in his coarse exterior that had taken him so many years to perfect, he didn't like to see his friends hurting.
Seeing that finesse was not his thing, he would have to go with what he knew. Yes trickery, deceit, and sarcasm would do just nicely. He had a plan to spark some jealousy and maybe cause a reaction.
He spied Grissom sitting in his office attempting to look like he was doing some paperwork. That made Brass chuckle as he strolled through the office door to greet Grissom, who looked up questioningly at the chuckling man.
"What's up Jim? What's so funny?"
"Oh, nothing, just thinking that for as different as we are, I guess paperwork is every man's nightmare."
Grissom smiled conspiratorially and relaxed back into his chair as Brass seated himself across from him for a conversation. Even though Brass had an uncomfortable look on his face, he was going to enjoy this.
"Gil, I've been thinking about what you said to Dr. Lurie."
Grissom immediately stiffened in his chair as the color drained from his face.
Yes, Brass was going to enjoy this thoroughly. "And, it got me thinking about ... things."
Grissom could not believe Jim was bringing this up now. He had thought he was in the clear after this long. "I don't want to talk about it Jim, you know I was exhausted after that case and I don't think you should take anything I may have said as-"
Jim cut him off before he could weasel out of it anymore. "Nope, you were right Gil. Well, you know you weren't right, but I don't want to wake up one day and wonder what if. I want to take the risk, what better reason to take one than for love, right man?"
Grissom still wasn't sure if he was really in the clear on this or not. "Uh huh."
"Yeah so anyway, I just wanted to drop in to let you know that I'm going to see if Sara wants to go out. I mean I figured I would let you know since we're friends and she is your employee, and technically we all do sort of work together."
Grissom flew out of his chair and practically ran to the door to slam it shut, causing more than a few faces to turn and stare from out in the hall. His face was so red Brass thought that he might witness his friend actually explode.
While this was not the reaction Brass thought he would receive, he was pleased to see that he could still be surprised by Gil Grissom. Brass was a trained interrogator though, so he offered no reaction and knew he would have no problem rolling with the sudden departure from the direction in which he thought this would go.
"Hey Gil, what's wrong?"
"You know damn well what's wrong Jim!" Grissom nearly spat the words out at Brass. "Do you find my life that amusing?"
"Hey, I was just letting you know-"
"Give me a little credit will you? I may not be the best at these things, but I'm not stupid Jim."
"No, you're not stupid, so why are you acting like you are Gil?" Grissom just stared at him blankly.
Brass didn't really want to have this conversation. He figured he could get away with tricking his friend into being jealous. He thought maybe he could get through this with just a couple hints around what the deal actually was, he never thought Grissom would get angry enough to confront him.
"You know Gil, I don't understand you man. You're pushing 50, you have this beautiful younger woman who you love and who's obviously in love with you, and you refuse to let it happen. Just do it; I don't see how it's that big of a risk for either of you. You two were so made for each other it's almost, creepy."
"Damn it Jim..." Grissom had paused for dramatic effect, but both men cracked smiles at the overly used Star Trek reference. That seemed to break the tension as both men eased back into their seats.
Grissom really didn't want to speak about this to anybody, but he figured that after his rambling confession, Jim would probably nail him with it at some point.
"Damn it Jim, don't you see all the problems this would cause? Work would be a mess, and it's all I've ever had. I would end up losing both of the things I love." Grissom hung his face in his hands on his desk unable to look at his friend anymore.
Brass had never seen so much emotion coming out of the man in front of him, and he instantly felt sorry for him. It was obvious he had thought about this long and hard, but he was only seeing one side.
"Gil, you love her and she loves you. I don't see a problem. The job will still be there. You'll still be Gil Grissom, CSI extraordinaire. You'll still be one of the top bug men in the country, hell the world."
Grissom let out a small chuckle at that, and started to feel some of the weight coming off his shoulders.
"You'd be with an amazing woman. It doesn't get much better than that man."
Grissom finally lifted his head from his hands and Brass could see the redness in his eyes.
"I would lose my credibility Jim. It may not sound like much to you, but it's all I've ever had. I would be forever known as the guy who dated his student. Everybody would wonder how many other students I had slept with."
"She's not a student Gil and she hasn't been for a very long time."
"You're right. She's a woman. A woman who everybody would think was sleeping her way up the ladder. I can't put her through that Jim, not for something that may not work out."
"Again you're right, it may not work out, but it may and wouldn't it be great if it did? And what about your credibility? You think people will question your judgment for finally starting a relationship with a woman you've known for almost ten years? Sorry Gil that just doesn't fly. It's not like your jumping in the sack with a different woman every day here."
Brass was starting to get riled up now.
"We're talking about Sara. Remember her? Miss straight as an arrow, workaholic, never dates. I can see how she could tarnish your reputation. And by the way, where is she sleeping her way to? She's already working in the 2nd best lab in the country. Sara's a workaholic who wants to be the best, but I really don't think she's the type of person who wants to run the place. There's really no where for her to go."
"Don't you think people will talk Jim?"
"Of course they will, hell they talk now Gil. Everybody sees how you two react around each other. They all know there's something going on there. You might as well enjoy the perks."
Brass could see that Grissom was slowly breaking down so he got up and started for the door. "Look Gill, I'm just saying, you both deserve to be happy. That's really what it all comes down to, you know?"
Brass left a slightly less confused Grissom alone in his office.
Grissom laid his head down on the desk to think, wondering what the hell just happened. He had hoped he was so tired that he imagined that damn diatribe in front of Brass and Dr. Lurie. Then when Brass never said one word about it, he was truly starting to believe he did imagine it.
Grissom had never been so embarrassed in his life. He had tried so hard over the years to hide his feelings for Sara and that case ruined everything.
There were just some things that a man in love could not get past. Seeing the spitting image of the object of his affection laying dead on the floor was one of them. Grissom fell asleep at his desk while remembering the scene.
Sara was walking down the hall past Grissom's office when she thought she heard moaning. She stopped to listen more closely and realized it was her name that was being moaned.
With no thought other than something was wrong with Grissom, Sara cautiously entered his office not knowing what to expect on the other side of the door. Grissom asleep with his head in his hands on his desk was not an option that had ever crossed her mind, yet that was the scene before her.
While studying his contorted face; this was not the face of a man sleeping peacefully; he moaned her name again, only this time more loudly. Unsure of what to do, she turned quickly to shut the door before anybody else could bear witness to this strange sight.
She knew she had to wake him, but was trying to figure a way that would startle him the least. She went to his side and squatted down next to him. Putting her hand on his back lightly she tried softly saying his name.
His head snapped up as his eyes tried to focus on her form. He was looking at her with a fear which quickly turned to confusion.
"Sara. What are you doing in here?"
"Um, well you were asleep and dreaming. It sounded like a nightmare actually. Are you ok?"
"Oh, yeah. Um, wait sounded like?" Nervousness entered his stomach as he prayed he hadn't yelled in his sleep. The images of her body lying on the bathroom floor were still so fresh in his brain.
"I was walking down the hall and heard you moaning... moaning my name."
"Oh god." Now completely mortified he let his head drop back down into his arms.
"Are you ok Grissom. You weren't trying to kill me in your dream were you?" She let out a nervous laugh.
Brass was right; he needed to just do this. Grissom took a deep breath which sounded louder in the cave he had created with his arms and the table.
"No, Sara. I just... I've been having nightmares since the Marlin case. It appears to have affected me much more than most cases."
Sara sensed that he couldn't take much more of this, but didn't want to push him too hard.
"Because she looked like me?"
"Grissom, why can't you tell me how you feel?"
"I want to Sara, it's just so hard." He lifted his head up wanting to look at her more than anything. He knew she had been squatting there next to him, but her closeness still took him by surprise.
She put her hand on his arm gently and stared into his blue eyes with nothing but love.
"Tell me Grissom. I promise not to run. I promise I'll never hurt you intentionally."
"Sara, I can't lose you. I don't think I could go on if anything happened to you."
Tears began streaming down his face as he swiveled his chair towards her and pulled her into a hug.
"You won't lose me Gris, and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here with you always."
He squeezed her tighter, knowing he would never be able to repay Brass.
- The End -
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