Spoilers: Only up to season 3, if any.
Archive: Please ask first I might say yes.
Disclaimer: C.S.I. not owned by me, I should be so lucky.
Author's Note: I warn you now, this is not finished. If blame has to be assigned you can send it to Laura Katherine, Marlou and Amanda Hawthorne whose delightful email request for me to hurry up did not fall on deaf ears (should that be blind eyes?) I totally appreciate all the reviews and support. You people are wonderful:)
Summary: It's Monday and Grissom and Sara are due back at work.
The light that diffused through the drapes was not that of the early morning. It shone unforgivingly on the untidy bed and its slumbering occupants.
They did not notice or care.
Between the bedroom door and the bed, items of clothing had been discarded with an eye to speed rather than tidiness. It did not take a genius to figure out what had happened here.
The man in the bed lay on his back with his left arm around his dark haired female companion. She lay against his left side, her left arm across his stomach. Both of them looked relaxed and peaceful. The sun's rays crept further round the room.
Gil Grissom surfaced reluctantly. He lay quiescent for several minutes, savouring the last time he would wake up beside Sara. Moving slowly so as not to disturb her, he picked up his watch and checked the time. It was after eleven in the morning. Considering how they had spent the night he was surprised that it was this early.
At the forefront of his mind was the knowledge that this break from reality that he had allowed himself - again - was almost over.
He thought of that line from 'A tale of two cities'. It was the best of times and the worst of times. The best of times; anything with Sara. The worst of times - saying goodbye again to Sara 'Smith'. This time he had to make a better job of it.
So it didn't really help matters that he was waking up in Sara's bed.
They were both due back at work tonight on the night shift. Mr Jones would leave - this time for good - and Supervisor Gil Grissom would be back.
Grissom looked at the woman lying beside him and felt profound gratitude that he had had this time with the bright and beautiful Sara. She deserved so much more than he could give her. He hadn't even been brave enough to tell her how he felt about her. He hoped that she'd just 'know' in that undefinable way that some intuitive people have.
Eventually, Grissom decided that he had better get out of the bed before Sara woke up. If he stayed where he was they would make love and that was no longer an option.
Lifting Sara's arm gently, Grissom slid out of the bed and pulled his pillow out sideways to rest her arm across it. Sara mumbled in her sleep but did not wake up.
Grissom found his boxers in the doorway and Sara's bra on the doorknob. He couldn't find her panties - probably under the bed somewhere - so he put Sara's stuff in the laundry hamper and rinsed his boxers in the bathroom sink. He draped them over the towel rail to dry after squeezing them out as best as he could. He had a quick wash and shaved, intending to have a shower after Sara woke up. He had no clothes other than what he had arrived in last night. He was reasonably certain that he had no actual intent to take Sara to bed when he left his place yesterday with her sandals, but he had been deceiving himself a lot just lately. He was not surprised that he was unable - or unwilling - to resist by the time he got to her place.
With a towel around his hips, Grissom went to the fridge to see about breakfast. A quick assessment put pancakes and fruit on the menu. He put some coffee on to percolate and searched quietly for a mixing bowl.
He resisted the urge to whistle.
Half an hour later Grissom had everything ready and the pancakes were keeping warm, all they needed was Sara.
"What is that delicious smell?"
Sara came out of the bedroom - with a delightful case of bed head - tying the belt on a silk kimono wrap.
"That would be breakfast, Milady."
Grissom handed her a mug of coffee, knowing that it would take her a minute or five to really come to.
"Mmmm." Sara approved, breathing in the coffee aroma. She moved to the breakfast bar and sat down opposite Grissom's place.
He brought out the pancakes and gave a stack to Sara, the fruit already on her plate.
Her eyes widened in delight - home-made pancakes.
"I c... an't believe you did this, it's fantastic."
Sara made a quick recovery from almost saying 'I could get used to this'.
He smiled gently.
"It was my pleasure."
Grissom was telling the truth; he had been surprised at how much he had enjoyed preparing the food, knowing that it was for Sara.
They ate in companionable silence and the pancakes quickly disappeared.
"Mmm, that was delicious, thank you."
Sara smiled as she sipped her coffee. Grissom cleared the plates in to the sink and picked up his own drink. Sara took another mental picture.
Domesticated God in the kitchen wearing only a towel and drinking coffee. She swallowed a smile that she didn't want to have to explain.
They took their coffee with them to the couch and sat down together at one end. Grissom put his free arm around Sara and she leaned against him comfortably.
They drank their coffee in silence for a while, each content in the company of the other. After ten minutes or so, Sara stirred.
"Do you have any plans for today?"
She did not look Grissom in the eyes when she asked, unwilling to see any signs of his withdrawal.
Grissom stroked Sara's arm gently as he thought of at least three things he should be doing before tonight.
"Not particularly, no. Do you?"
He looked down at the top of her head. He could take an educated guess at why she was avoiding looking at him.
"No. The only thing I would like to do is to collect my holiday 'photo's, which will be ready in about..." Sara looked at the kitchen clock, "... an hour."
Sara ignored the little voice reminding her about the laundry yet to be done. She had enough clean clothes for the rest of the week and hey, housework verses Grissom, what a no brainer.
"I didn't take a camera." Grissom admitted, sorry now that he had no pictures of Sara.
"I know, I didn't, either. Those disposable cameras have pretty decent lenses for their price. I picked up one in the hotel for a couple of bucks."
"I don't tend to take pictures. I enjoy a place or not and remember anything relevant in my head."
Given their line of work and the photos that they usually took Sara thought that was understandable.
"But what if you forget? Don't you need a reminder?"
"I've never worried about it before."
Sara thought it quite telling that Grissom had added the word 'before'. She wondered whether he had been aware of it.
She did not mention that she had asked the PhotoShop to print two sets from her film. She intended to give the second set to Grissom if they turned out okay.
Just because she was playing by the rules didn't mean that she couldn't leave him with a constant reminder that they had been together.
Grissom sipped his cooling coffee and thought about the rest of the day. They probably should not go out together in case they were seen. Not that he cared for himself, but he didn't want the grief for Sara. It wouldn't take too long to get the photos. He could offer to get them for her; unfortunately there was always the possibility that a snap of Sara might get mislaid. He hid a smile behind his mug.
Sara felt completely relaxed. She didn't feel the need to fill the silence with chatter and apparently, neither did Grissom.
Oops, spoke too soon.
As Sara responded she slid down slightly, so that she could give in to the impulse to rub her fingers over the towel-clad thigh in front of her.
Grissom tried not to be distracted by his impromptu massage.
"I'm curious about something."
"No change there then." Sara said cheekily.
Grissom just looked at her, then continued when she was suitably cowed. Not.
"Why don't you use my name?"
Sara's fingers stilled momentarily then resumed their meandering.
"I use your name all the time."
"You know what I mean."
Sara's fingers moved closer and closer to the edge of Grissom's towel as if by accident, until eventually they touched his bare flesh and she felt the muscle flex as Grissom's leg jerked.
"The reason I haven't used 'Gil' is because I didn't want to get used to it for only ten days. It would be difficult to go back to 'Grissom' and I was worried that I'd call you 'Gil' at work. Only Catherine calls you that."
Grissom should not have been surprised that Sara had obviously given the matter some thought. What she said made perfect sense, but he felt a little disappointed.
In his dreams she called him Gil.
He was finding it difficult to stay on the subject with Sara's hand on his thigh. He would have to stop her. In a minute. Any minute now, in fact. What were they talking about? Oh, yes.
"I've known Catherine a long time. We're friends."
He put his coffee down before he spilt what was left.
"Nothing wrong with that."
Sara didn't want to talk about Catherine. Although her relationship with the older woman had changed and improved, it still rankled about her social visits to Grissom's place.
Still, she was here with Gil and Catherine wasn't. She did have her to thank for that. A bird in the hand and all that. And this bird was getting bigger by the minute.
Sara slid her hand under the towel and along Grissom's inner thigh until her hand reached its destination.
Grissom gave up any pretence of not noticing what Sara was up to. She had his balls in her hand for Crissake!
Grissom was torn: what a time to start using his name!
Grissom did not have the right words to put across the concept of 'we should not be doing this any more but you have me at a disadvantage'.
"Why not? I don't see any lab. equipment around us..."
Sara very gently fondled him, knowing just how sensitive he was here.
"... and you might be saying 'no' but your body's not listening."
The towel was tenting in front of her amused face.
He didn't know how she managed to look so innocent.
Without conscious thought Grissom slid down a little and spread his legs slightly, giving Sara better access.
Sara used her left hand to unhitch the towel at his waist and unwrapped her present.
She slid her right hand from his testicles to his penis and closed it around his turgid flesh.
Strangely, Grissom seemed to have stopped saying 'no'.
Sara never tired of touching him. He was such a contrast here, the steel beneath the silk. She moved with firm but not vigorous strokes, knowing the pace he liked.
She looked sideways up at him, just to reassure herself that he didn't really mean 'no'.
No, that was definitely not his 'stop that, I'm cross with you' face.
More like his 'if you stop that, I'll be cross with you' face.
Sara slowed her hand after a few minutes and held him steady. She tucked her hair behind her left ear so that it didn't obstruct his view. She could feel his gaze on her now and she felt the shift in his muscles as he tensed in anticipation.
Sara bent her head and twirled her tongue across the top of his arousal, just as she had done to that strawberry at the beginning of the holiday.
Grissom's 'Aaah!' did not seem to indicate that he was in any pain so Sara felt free to continue.
She returned to the base of his shaft and slowly ran her tongue up the length of him, then flicked across the top. He twitched, but again it wasn't in pain.
Sara closed her lips around the top of him and felt Grissom fighting the urge to thrust upwards. She became aware that his hand was in her hair.
She took in as much of him as she could, then started to suck as she withdrew up the shaft. She smiled inwardly when she heard him mutter 'Je - sus' with a moan.
Sara repeated her actions again and again, each time with a slight variation, but always creating the same effect, building the pressure.
After only five minutes Grissom was practically incoherent. This was not the first time Sara had done this for him and she had fine-tuned it down to an art. She knew exactly how to drive him completely wild. He watched himself disappear between her lips and, as before, found it incredibly erotic, a sensual feast. Sara had teased him mercilessly this last week, trying to get him as close to orgasm as possible before he could stop her. He preferred to be elsewhere in her body when he climaxed, but she had threatened to tie him to the bed so that he would not be able to stop her, and he had been surprisingly intrigued by the idea.
Grissom tried to distract himself from the intense pleasure that was threatening to end things very shortly by undoing Sara's kimono and sliding his hand inside the silk wrap to caress her breasts. It nearly backfired when her moan vibrated all the way along his erection.
With his right hand he could just reach the juncture of Sara's thighs and he stroked her to readiness. She was already very aroused judging by the evidence on his fingers. As a distraction it was hopeless and just added fuel to the fire.
Sara could feel Grissom gather and tighten and knew that she'd pushed him as far as she dared. She stopped what she was doing with a final kiss to the tip.
She traced open mouthed kisses and little nibbles up his abdomen and across his chest, moving slowly to give him time to calm a little, but also to allow his talented fingers to follow her movements without letting her go. By the time she reached his throat she was sitting astride his thighs with his arousal nestled directly beneath her and her knees beside his hips.
Sara leaned back up so that she could look at Grissom's face.
"You okay Gil?"
He found her soft use of his name very sensual.
She traced a path up both his arms with her hands and clasped them together behind his neck. She leaned forward so that her breasts chaffed deliciously against his chest, then lowered her lips to his for a deep demanding kiss that he returned with ardour.
Grissom's arms came up behind her, holding her securely to him as his tongue duelled with hers.
Sara yielded first, gasping for air, then she leaned back, freeing one hand to grasp his erection and hold it steady while she lowered herself on to it. She did it so quickly and smoothly that Grissom was sheathed before he realised what was happening. He looked at her almost with surprise.
He recovered quickly and pushed the kimono off her shoulders, down her arms and on to the floor.
At last she was gloriously naked and all his.
"You are so beautiful."
Grissom's tone betrayed his reverence and Sara felt cherished.
In her thoughts she told him that she loved him and quickly kissed him so that he wouldn't see the betraying tears in her eyes.
She hitched her hips forward and Grissom gasped against her mouth.
His hands held the cheeks of her bottom, setting the pace as Sara rocked in his lap. He found he couldn't move as much as he was used to so Sara became the more active partner, raising herself up with her thighs and plunging back down upon him.
Sara hung on to the back of the couch behind Grissom instead of his shoulders and it made her feel more solidly braced. She could feel the difference in the way they moved with Gil being more confined than he was used to, and oddly, it felt like she was the one sinking in to his depths. Seconds became minutes as they moved as one.
"Oh honey, you feel so good."
Grissom felt that Sara had taken the words right out of his mouth.
Sara was amazed that she could already feel a climax beginning to build. It was much sooner than anticipated and she was sure that it was this new position causing it.
Grissom felt her quicken the pace and his body responded to the new level of stimulation with leaping readiness. He was hurtling toward fulfilment and hoped that he wouldn't get there first.
Sara's whispered warning came none too soon for Grissom.
Her eyes were closed and her head leaned back in ecstasy.
She was moaning with delight as their hips slammed together. The towering sensations overtook her leaving her reeling in its wake.
"Ooh... Gil... yesss!... oh..coming... yes...!"
Sara's fierce whisper was music to his ears and Grissom surrendered gratefully to his own climax at the same time, straining together, thrusting hard as her muscles squeezed around him for endless moments.
Finally Sara slumped against him and they both tried to catch their breath. Grissom felt her turn and plant a kiss on his neck. He hugged her to him and kissed her shoulder.
He heard her mutter something under her breath and felt more than heard a giggle.
She sat back a little and brought her face around to his. She was smiling.
"I said 'I'm gonna need a bigger top ten'."
Damn but this woman made him feel special.
They went together to collect the photos after they had showered and dressed. Grissom's boxers were still too wet so he reluctantly went commando. Sara clapped both hands over her mouth at the expression on his face.
They were only out for thirty minutes and Grissom drove them in his car. When Sara got back in to the car she tucked the film packet in her purse without opening them. She was amused that Grissom's curiosity was obviously eating at him. She could see in her peripheral vision that he kept glancing at her and the purse as he drove.
When they reached her place Grissom briefly contemplated dropping Sara off and going but he decided that it would be too abrupt and a little cowardly of him. Another hour wouldn't hurt and he would get to see the photos.
And say goodbye.
Grissom automatically put the coffee on and Sara's heart began to ache as she watched his movements around her kitchen and realised that this was the beginning of the end.
She had no right to complain; she knew that she had already had more than they had tacitly agreed at the beginning of their affair. Understanding intellectually how she felt about him was one thing, but the emotional impact had been far greater than she had ever suspected it would become. It had suddenly dawned on her as she stood in the middle of her living room holding the packet of photos.
Not only did she love Gil, but now she was in love with him too.
Grissom turned to ask Sara if she was hungry but something about her stopped him in his tracks. She looked pale.
For a split second she looked as if he had spoken to her in Martian, then she snapped to and gave him a high wattage smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Fine. Fine, thanks."
She seated herself on the couch and opened the packet from the PhotoShop. She went through them quickly the first time, splitting the duplicates into another pile and putting them in the second packet.
One photo took her by surprise when she found it. They had been out at Silver Springs at the time, just walking around and Sara had asked an elderly couple to take a picture of her and Gil together. That photo had been a standard sort of picture, arm in arm, both facing the camera and smiling. The wife had taken the camera and had fussed for an age. Sara had turned to Gil and rolled her eyes after the photo had finally been taken and they had shared an amused chuckle together. Sara's guard had slipped and she had allowed her love to shine through as she looked at him. It was then that the woman had obviously taken a second photograph, because here it was in all its glory. Sara gazing up in adoration while Gil looked down at her lips as if contemplating kissing her.
She had quickly hidden that one back in her packet and was about to get its duplicate out of Gil's set when he came over with the coffee.
He sat down beside her, putting on his glasses to look at the photos with her as she went through them a second time at a much slower pace.
He was surprised how many of the photos were of him. He had known that Sara had taken one or two of him, usually as an inclusion to a 'tourist' shot, but he had not been aware of camera's presence in some of these photos. He was pleased to see that some of the ones he had taken of Sara had turned out well, although one of them he had taken had her blurred as she had moved suddenly to swat at an insect. He pointed it out to Sara.
"I'm not used to my subjects moving."
But she did smile.
Grissom picked up the second set, raising his eyebrows in enquiry.
"I had another set printed if you would like them."
He took them, grateful that she had thought of it.
"Thank you. Let me pay for them?"
"Naw." She waved his suggestion aside "It's cheaper to do them at the same time, so it didn't cost much."
"If you're sure?"
Hopefully he wouldn't look at his set until he got home.
They did not eat anything for lunch. Neither of them had any appetite.
In the end it was Sara that bit the bullet.
She had finished drying the things that Gil had washed up. He had dried his hands and moved around her kitchen bar to sit and watch her as she put the items away and hung up the dishtowel.
She turned to Gil and could stand the suspense no longer.
"I guess it's that time, Mr Jones."
She was proud that her voice did not quaver.
Grissom had known that this moment would arrive but he was unprepared for the rush of dismay that went through him at her words. He actually felt sick.
"I guess it is."
Time's up. It's over. Say goodbye to her and walk away. It will hurt less in the long run.
Sara looked at his face, threw caution to the wind and gambled one last time.
"It doesn't have to be."
There was perhaps four feet separating them but she could feel the emotional distance increasing with every second that passed. Gil looked awful and she desperately wanted to make things better for him. However, this was one thing he had to do for himself.
Grissom was torn. Part of him, the selfish part, wanted to be with Sara so much. The selfless part of him wanted her to have a life where she was happy without him.
He was totally unable to believe that he could make her happy. Oh, she'd probably be okay for a few years, then one day when he could only breathe because she existed, she would wake up and see him for the older man he was and leave, taking away his reason for living.
He hurt now, but that would kill him.
Sara saw in his face the moment he made his decision.
"Yes, it does."
Grissom looked at her then, not Mr. Jones.
"We agreed, Sara, don't make this more difficult than it has to be."
Sara kept silent for fear of not being able to stop once she got started. She pressed the shaking fingers of her left hand to her lips to physically prevent her words escaping. She dug deep in to herself for the strength not to shed any tears in front of him.
They both looked at each other, not saying any more with words, but communicating all the same.
After an eternity, Grissom broke the link, and walked towards the front door. He opened the door and stopped, looking back at Sara.
"Goodbye, Sara Smith. It has been my great pleasure to know you."
He paused, perhaps hoping for a reply but to Sara time seemed to stretch while she remained frozen, unable to move her feet or use her voice. As if in slow motion she saw Gil turn and walk away, the door closing behind him, cutting him off from her sight.
The sound of the door closing seemed to free her and Sara flew to the door.
She would not run after him again.
She turned her back to the door and leaned on it, her legs unable to support the weight of her grief. She slid down the door until she reached the floor and rested her head on her bent knees. She wrapped her arms around her legs and wept for the death of her dreams.
Grissom found himself at the fairground with no memory of how he got there.
He climbed in to the roller coaster car and lowered the locking bar into place.
The ride started up, taking him up to the first big run.
When the car hurtled down the other side Grissom found his face was wet.
Probably just the wind.
Author's Note: I know, I know, they're not actually back at work yet, but I'm having waaay too much fun (sniffle). There will be at least one more chapter.
To the C.S.I fans I met at the Wolf Events Stargate Convention (London) in November - Absolutely right, there should be a C.S.I. convention!
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